What can I do?

A lot of people who know about my ex-boyfriend and I are disappointed we broke up, when they heard about it. They couldn't believe it, actually. They thought we were cute together and all that when we were dating and are pretty bummed that it ended abruptly. But I asked them, What else can I do? There's really nothing I can do to make this better. It is what it is. And I told them that I didn't end it because I didn't love him anymore. I ended because I couldn't trust him. He can't afford me losing trust in him...especially when I'm leaving in about 64 days for Italy. Where I will be for 4 whole months. How can I trust him when I won't even see him that long? It's impossible! It can't be done. I do care about him, yes. But that's not the point. 


I even talked to family members and my brother, who said Wait a week and see what happens. But what's going to happen? I don't even know what could make the situation better. I just didn't feel that he was honest to me during the relationship (there's also proof, so it doesn't sound like I'm making this up) and because of that, I just didn't feel he was as serious as I thought he was. Which was, naturally, my mistake for believing what he said. Anyway, what's done is done. But a lot of people told me to wait a week and see what happens.

What could happen? The relationship was like an awkward version of The Prince and Me, without the prince. He can't whisk me away to his palace and tell me the truth. And he certainly can't propose to me. He can't pull a Cruel Intentions, and write a book of what the truth actually is and spill his guts. Spill every reason he loves me and always wants to be with me...etc etc. He can't just show up on my doorstep because he couldn't even show up to my house to begin with. Besides, he's probably moved on already, or made plans to date, or hooked up. I really don't know. And he's not in my life so I don't care. 

All I can pray for is that he lives a happy and satisfying life with another girl who truly cares about him. Hopefully he will have fixed his mistakes by then and he won't make them with someone he really cares about. That's really all I can do. I can hope that he does find the girl of his dreams. Then he can plan futures with her. I can hope that it works out for them. And wish them the best. That's really all I can do. Yeah, it hurts to imagine him with someone else. But that's only right now, immediately after a breakup, when irrational thinking becomes constant. But eventually, he will move on to someone else. Maybe more than one. And he will live his life. You can't fight for someone forever. You get tired and bored and fed up. Instead, I was the fighter and became more disappointed, thinking he didn't love me because he wasn't being honest. But he'll move on to other girls because he didn't seem to care much for me. I never understood. He never told me straight how he felt about me and why. But anyway...now he can enjoy his single life.

And me? I'm not dating for a while. That's all I can say. Maybe in January when I go back to school in DC. I don't know. Nothing is set in stone - that's what I've learned about life. Things change, people change, crap happens and lives can fall apart quickly. But you always have to believe in yourself! You always have to be happy, or smile, or work hard. Because you really don't know what's out there waiting for you. It could be amazing job offers, or a future spouse, or a winning lottery ticket. Who knows? 

But I'm not dating. I won't find a man in Italy and I probably won't find a man at school either. It could be years until I date again. Who knows? I just want to live in the moment, be happy with who and what I have, and achieve my goals - graduating school with a BSW, getting into a program for my MSW, and getting a great job. If a man comes along who is ready to settle down with me, and I approve (and my family approves), then awesome. But for right now, I have a lot on my plate. I have a full time job 6 days a week, my grandma (who I take care of on the weekends) is horribly sick, I have so much to get ready for Italy, and the great guy I was dating couldn't be serious with me. 

I'm not a girl who asks for anything. Trust me, I never even ask my parents for anything. But eventually, I'll need to find love, stability, honesty, loyalty, and support in a man that I can spend the rest of my life with. I guess I just have to kiss a few frogs before I find my prince. But I think it will be worthwhile in the end :)