The worst part about breaking up is the emotional trauma it takes on your body and your mindset. All you want to do is contact the other person and tell them you love them. Or plan their demise the next time you see them - like punching them in the face. Or imagine how many people they're hooking up with right now. You can never just let go, at least not immediately. This sucks for me because I cared about him and got screwed over - way way more than once. And it's just a bad situation. (My poor blog get the worst of my complaining about this!)
But after all was said and done, I keep thinking to myself, He didn't care about me as much as I cared about him. He made all these promises and broke them easily. He could never just be totally honest with me. Plus there was always another girls somewhere - via texts, in DC, on Facebook - that he was flirting with. Well...it's been a week. I still haven't been able to eat a full meal. But I'm sleeping. I promised myself I would give it a week to see what happens, to maybe let it blow over and see if he knew he was wrong. But I guess not. He didn't stop me last week, didn't do anything. Just said goodbye. I'm not surprised though, he wasn't right for me.
What I want is someone who will fight for me. I want to be able to vent to someone - scream, rant, whatever - and after I do that to him, I just want him to hold me and tell me everything is okay. I want him to take away my pain, not add more. I want him to wipe my tears away, not cause more. I want a guy who will do anything for me - brag about me, die for me, know me better than I know myself. Because that's the kind of person you're supposed to marry. And he could have been it for me if everything that came out of his mouth wasn't a lie.
You're supposed to marry someone who knows you better than you know yourself. Someone who picks you up, not puts you down. Someone who makes you feel amazing, not unappreciated. Someone who makes it known that you are his one and only special girl, not another notch under his belt.
That's my rant.
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