#LifeProblems

I packed most of my things up this morning and set aside the clothes I'll need to get home. I still have Christmas Shopping to do, which I'm accomplishing today. The good news is, I have 3 days left until I can stuff myself silly AND I can still carry my suitcase since it isn't extremely heavy...yet. I'm donating the extra shoes and clothes that I don't want or can't fit. Right now, it's all looking pretty good.

I'm just a little nervous about bringing breakable things home, though they're wrapped up pretty well in bags and clothes. I'm just going to hope for the best. Plus I think EasyJet has this huge issue with carry ons and I'm worried they'll tack on an extra 80E to let my backpack on the flight with me since it's my carry on. Oh well.

Anyway, I'm excited to prepare everyone's gifts when I get home. The only thing I'm nervous about is my grandma - I haven't heard much about her from my family except the all-too-commonly-said "She's fine". Which isn't helpful when your grandma is 91 and on the way out, to put it nicely. When I left in August, she was in really bad shape. And even after taking care of her every week, I was still preparing for something to happen after I left. I haven't heard anything, so either she's alright and actually holding out for me until I come home, or something DID happen and my family is covering it up until I come home. Who knows. But if there's someone I love spoiling more than my sister, it's my grandma. And if my grandpa were still alive, he would certainly do it himself.

Which brings up another thing - my grandpa died in March 2010. He unfortunately didn't see me graduate high school. Or hear me declare that I was going to Catholic University. Or know I declared my Social Work Major & Italian [Studies] Minor. Or congratulate me on being accepted into an amazing program where I can live in Italy for a semester and become more fluent in the language.

This stuff is life-changing - it's why I want to work with people who are old or terminally ill or dying. That's my gift. Well...one of them...

I think everyone has someone like this, who changed their lives so simply. But the other night, I was making a list of gifts and sorting out what to pack first, etc. Then I found my grandma's gift, that I was hiding in a plastic bag in my closet, and thought, I wonder what my grandpa would say if he could see me now. What would he say? Would he be proud of me for going to CUA? Or for being a Social Work Major & Italian Studies Minor? Would he be happy that I've been living in Italy for a semester? Would he be happy about my spring internship? Am I making anyone happy by doing any of these things?

I'm a weird person. There's a long list, but here are the main reasons:
(1) Because I'm almost fluent in a language no one in my family speaks
(2) Because for a few reasons, I'm obsessed with finding out where I came from

There have certainly been questions I've been asking myself, and the whole point of being here for a semester is so that I can study and change as a person. This semester is supposed to change me - and it has. For the better, of course.

And I think it's because of these things that I really just don't want to go home. I've already talked to people here, and I've been given opportunities to come back. To live, to teach, to volunteer...the list goes on. But I'm hesitant to do that and I think I'll wait a while to make sure it's the right thing to do. Between now and the time I earn my Master's degree is enough time for other opportunities to present themselves & for serious life choices to be made.

We'll see what happens...