Bittersweet

3 days until I leave Rome. 4 days until I leave Italy. It's all very bittersweet.

I have to say, I have had one unforgettable time here. I have one final exam left, which is a 12 minute oral exam - one on one with my professor - for Philosophy on Friday. And that's the end of it. Then I move out Saturday morning, go to Piazza Cavour, get on the bus that takes me to the airport, and wait for my flight to Milan. I'm spending the night in Milan and getting up early Sunday for my flight to NY. And if the weather holds out, I should be home on time.

Needless to say, with this being finals week & pack-up-and-leave week, I've been super stressed. SUPER stressed. I had a mini-psychotic break on Friday night and just cried. The cherry on top of all that was the bus driver missing my stop, letting me off 3 blocks away from where I was supposed to be, and stopped to let me off...in the pouring rain. My umbrella broke. It was a mess.

Thank God that I have the friends I do here. And I know they're all under the same pressure to finish up well, among maybe some other things - going home, Christmas shopping and things like that. But for me, it's smooth sailing today, tomorrow, and then I just have to survive for 12 minutes on Friday afternoon. Then I'm done. Then I say goodbye, finish packing, and head out Saturday morning.

Bittersweet, the only word that I can use to sum up this push-and-pull feeling.

I love Italy, but I want to go home. I want to go home, but not really. It's been a constant back-and-forth. Things will be different when I get home. I'll be in the same time zone as my friends, and for others, I'll be in the same state! My town will look different. I'll have a car and won't have to walk everywhere. I'm in desperate need of a pedicure after what Rome has done to my feet...trust me.

There are tons of differences, and there are tons of things I'll have to get used to when I get home that were different in Italy. And even though it took me the semester to get used to, I'll have to switch back now. I need to flip on my American switch when I get on that plane in Milan on Sunday. Only one problem -- I don't know how.

I think I FORGOT how to be American, if that's even possible. I'll expect the news to be on after my Italian game show. But the game show won't exist and the news won't be in Italian. Food will be served in big, fat American helpings and all the food won't be as fresh. There will be quick meals where Americans eat fast and get out of the room as quickly as possible, no need to stay and talk. And I'll want to sit there for 3 hours, going through 4 courses, and drinking through a bottle of wine. Oh wait - IT'S STILL ILLEGAL FOR ME TO DRINK IN AMERICA BECAUSE I'M 9 MONTHS FROM BEING 21. That's a game changer right there.

I drink all the time here - with friends, with faculty - and it will be completely different when I get home. COMPLETELY. And I don't like it one bit. I'll want to open my windows every morning and have coffee waiting for me with something small for breakfast. But I won't have that because (1) American windows have screens and (2) American coffee might be horribly disgusting to me when I get home - idk. Americans dress differently - they don't take their time in the morning like Italians do. Instead, they just throw on a pair of jeans and whatever shirt they see first...that is clean. They don't dress up like Italians do. I wear miniskirts and tights to class! I've worn lipstick and left my hair down for presentations. I've worn earrings most of the time I've been here and I've barely worn sneakers - in fact, I bought 2 new pairs of shoes since being here.

Americans are just different and lazy and don't bother. Sorry, but it's true. Plus I feel that most people would say the same after living in Italy for so long. Going outside in sweatpants just aren't normal.

Anyway, I still have a ton of Christmas shopping to do - and this is good for me. (1) Because I'm so stressed out that my body has been having non-stop adrenaline rushes for 2 weeks. (2) Because it gives me something to do, like walk around for exercise since my body is used to being fast-paced all the time. (3) I'll be able to walk around Rome during my last week while the weather is sunny, but extremely cold. (Whatever, at least it isn't raining like it did for the last WEEK AND A HALF!) (4) I love Christmas shopping and I can easily get it all done since I made my list.

So today and tomorrow are completely free. I'll be doing some packing/throwing things out, Christmas shopping, and other errands before I head to Milan on Saturday. The only downside to living here for 4 months is that most of my white clothes are now stained so I have to throw them out. That's fine because some more of my clothes will be thrown out during my packing process, which leaves me more room for presents and things.

So my family better know I'm throwing out MY CLOTHES so they can have Italian Christmas presents.
I better be the favorite.