....and the reason is you.

Reason:

noun

1. a basis or cause, as for some belief, action, fact, event, etc.: the reason for declaring war.

2. a statement presented in justification or explanation of a belief or action.

3. the mental powers concerned with forming conclusions, judgments, or inferences.

4. sound judgment; good sense.

5. normal or sound powers of mind; sanity.

It seems we have reasons for everything. Reasons for coming or going somewhere. Reasons why we fall in and out of love. Reasons to say yes. Reasons to say no. There are many, many reasons for everything in life. Reasons why we do what we do. Reasons why we do right things or wrong things. Many, many reasons.

There is a reason I'm leaving the country in 13 days. There is a reason I am going to Italy and nowhere else. There is a reason for everything I do. There is a reason I am single, why I have red hair, & why I will be 20 years old in a few weeks. There is a reason why I write this blog & why I love helping people. In fact, there may even be more than one reason for all of this.

There is also a reason my grandma is in the hospital again this summer. She passed out in her kitchen and was rushed to the ER when she awoke and called the ambulance. There is a reason her health is not well. I don't like it, but that's life. People come and go. People love you and hate you. People build you up and hurt you. But people also live and die. It's a fact everyone needs to accept. The when or how are irrelevant. 

I'm nervous that my grandma will die while I'm in Italy. That's the only thing that concerns me. If it does happen, I won't be able to come home because airfare is expensive. But, naturally, I'm hoping for the best. Hopefully she can wait until Christmastime when I'm home again. Maybe she'll be able to hold out for me. Maybe she'll hold out for 10 years, or 10 seconds. I don't know. I just have to deal with life as God directs it. 

But there's a reason for everything. There's a reason I have changed small things about myself since I've been home for the summer. There's a reason I cannot be with anyone right now. There's a reason I spend all day working in my office, or at the gym, or in my room wrapped up in a book. There's a reason for all this. 

Life is difficult, yes. No one ever said that life would be simple. So I try to find the simple in life. The growing my own herbs and vegetables in my backyard. Eating simpler & healthier. Reading constantly (I'm almost done with my 7th book of the summer!). I constantly keep myself busy so I don't think negatively. I also have some amazing friends who I hang out with constantly so I don't have to worry about the stupid little things. I can't let anything ruin my experience in Italy. If my grandma dies, I'll thank God for her even more than I do now. And I'll Skype the funeral I guess. But I hope she's okay.

I can't be with anyone because this is a very exciting and emotional time for me. I can only hope that my friends will remain good friends and keep in contact with me while I'm away. I'm very nervous for this and I don't want to be held back. I have had many people ask me out to dinner or a movie, but I just cannot be involved right now. I'm taking this time for myself and I want to experience this journey as a personal reflection. I cannot be held back by jealous boyfriends, etc. I need to experience everything in the Italian lifestyle for myself - which includes meeting Italian men and drinking alcohol. These things will be new and difficult, especially since I need the language practice. I can't have an overprotective guy hovering over me every 5 seconds. I need to breathe the Italian life & "do as the Romans do!" ;)

I just bought another book for myself for Italy. I need to read up on everything. I also need to put my contact book together and finish up little things before I leave on the 21st. 

Please pray for my grandma. Thank you :)