'Anonymous' commented on my last post with the story of a particular marriage, saying,
"It is strange, but I was just thinking today how I don't believe in love in a marriage anymore... A very powerful message from a not so well written story."
Here's my response to this comment:
I believe marriage needs love and vice versa. I'm 20 and nowhere near marriage (though I wish I were), but I know love when I see it (not talking about myself). To marry, you need love - always, always. If these two people will truly spend the rest of their lives with each other, it deserves marriage. It's worthy of a lifetime...and 65 years down the road, they will still love each other. Even after 4 kids, a ton of financial problems, and maybe some job losses. Love isn't about where your money for rent is coming from. It isn't about who's cooking dinner first or solely about sex. Love is about having a best friend. It's about giving your everything to ONE PERSON FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. I refuse to divorce after I get married and I think everyone else should do the same. Love isn't about marrying someone, getting bored, and marrying someone else. I haven't had a good history of relationships and I'm not saying that my future will be this amazing Prince Charming. In fact, I haven't found a guy who I can sincerely trust with every detail of my life. I've held back and I'll keep holding back until I have a ring on my finger. But this is MY take on love and marriage.
To Anonymous, I hope that one day you find love. Every marriage needs love or I don't count it as a "true" marriage. Your definition of "true love" or a "true marriage" may be something specific or flat out unattainable. However, realistic dreams of a healthy and happy marriage will work out for you, I'm sure. True love takes a lot of things - time, courage, trust, loyalty, friendship, etc. It's an all-inclusive deal - I think everyone is meant to be with someone, but no one ever deserves to be in a relationship where love doesn't exist, where love can't be seen, heard, or felt. That's like saying you have a best friend you've been through everything with, but in reality you haven't talked to them for 20+ years. Everyone deserves to be in a loving relationship. Everyone deserves to have a best friend, someone to be in their corner when times get rough, someone to love them completely and totally for everything they are. No matter what they've done, been through, whatever. If you aren't in a happy and healthy relationship, get out of it.
I think being in a marriage where there is no love is worse than never experiencing love. It shows that you're holding yourself back from something you truly deserve, which is love in a marriage - a lifetime of love in a blessed sacrament with your best friend. I'm Catholic and I expect to get married in a church one day and walk down the aisle to my future husband, watching his jaw drop in awe. And while love exists in every aspect of a marriage, from sunrise to sun down, it's more than a simple commitment. It is never a one-way relationship - it's always a team effort. I believe everyone has the potential to love and be loved tremendously. I'm 20, but while I'm going into the field of Social Work, I believe everyone should be loved. Love changes things - love could change a loveless marriage too.
One day, I hope to marry an amazing guy. I want to feel love - from hugs and holding hands, to sex (which I haven't done but that's another story). I want to see love - from my husband cooking dinner for me and massaging my feet at the end of a really crappy day, to having kids and realizing what the effect of our love can do! I want to hear love - from phone calls and hearing him say my name, to listening to his voice read to me on a rainy night. There are so many things that happen in between, from the "love at first sight" moment to your old age - there's a ton of love in between. I think everyone deserves to experience those little moments, adding up to one beautiful healthy and happy marriage.
I hope this inspires you, Anonymous. Just know you're loved anyway :)
Other anonymous here, Anon2. I'm not entirely sure how I even got to this site, but what you've said really hits me. I've had a life full of successes, but to get to this point has cost me the one girl I sincerely loved. I was hoping to make a better future, and when I realized the mistake I made in letting her go, it was already too late. I still do love her, it's been a year now, and I would take her back in a heartbeat. The reason she didn't want to try again was that despite our years together, she thought the distance factor of me moving for grad school would be too much on us. So that's that. I believe in love, but I'm incredibly jaded. I don't expect a response or an answer or anything anymore, but I just want you to know that you made some sense late one night on a friday in the district.
ReplyDeleteEmotions are always strong - I believe love is the strongest one. I've had my own sacrifices to make to get where I am today. And I hope and pray that I am on the right track to, what I hope, is success for me. The most important thing I've learned in life is that no matter how horrible things may seem now, they always - ALWAYS - get better. Always.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I made some sense :)